Frustrations of a Sunday School Teacher

Be warned: Read this post at your discretion.

The semester is nearly over and I'm glad because for the past two months or so as a Sunday School teacher, I've been really frustrated. Out of all my callings that I've served in at various places, never have I been more frustrated than here at the ward I'm at now. Everything about the Sunday School organization in particular has been really disorganized; I just found out that our Sunday School President wasn't even set apart by a member of the Bishopric or have any counselors. Why that hasn't happened all semester long is beyond me and frankly, none of my business.

But to be even more frank, this inability in some people to take initiative to get things done and solidified is having an effect on me and how our Sunday School class has turned out. I am frustrated with how disorganized the Sunday School is. I am frustrated about how pathetic attendance in my Sunday School class has been in particular. We have three separate Gospel Doctrines classes to help balance things out but my class apparently has the least number of people attending while the other two seems to be the classes everyone else is going to. We also had classrooms assigned by apartment but that hasn't been well enforced; from what I've heard, the classroom assignments were listed on the program we hand out for Sacrament Meeting just once and then it just blew away into the wind, figuratively speaking. It is simply mind-blowing about how incompetent some people can be at accomplishing the simplest of tasks to allow for smoother function of Sunday School.

I'm frustrated that I am not able to fulfill my calling because these simple things are not taken care of first. I am sick of wasting time out of my day preparing for a lesson that I end up not teaching. I'm frustrated about how this is having an effect on my team-teaching partner, who has become rather discouraged about our pathetic classroom numbers. I am trying to help someone build confidence in her teaching skills so that she'll have no problem doing so in the future when she teaches a Church class on her own. But I can't do that if we don't have a Sunday School to teach. We ended up not teaching this past Sunday so I don't even know how the rest of the semester will turn out. I seriously question whether or not we're actually needed as Gospel Doctrine teachers when two other classes are doing better than we are. And I feel terrible that my team-teaching partner is discouraged; I fear that this experience will give her a bad first impression of what it's like to teach Sunday School. Never have I been more frustrated and underappreciated serving in the Church.

The gospel and this Church is true. And I understand that this gospel and Church is run and utilized by imperfect people. And I know I'm imperfect and that has shown in past lessons I've taught, even though I did my best. And I understand that we're a brand-new Ward that was established at the beginning of the semester but for crying out loud, that "we're a new ward" excuse has gotten old. Do we lack THAT much common sense? Haven't we been entrusted by the Lord to fulfill the callings we're extended? And are we seriously going to allow the fact that we're a new ward handicap us and hold us back for the rest of the semester? If there's ANYTHING I've learned about these past few frustrating weeks, it's that not everybody is perfect and not everyone is reliable to some extent. I've also learned that when you want something done, you gotta do it yourself to make it happen.

I hope we all see ourselves trustworthy not only with our leaders but also in the eyes of the Lord to fulfill our callings during our lifetime service in the Church. If not, then make sure to take the steps necessary to become trustworthy.

"Stay Humble and Teachable"

"Stay humble and teachable." -Dad

That's the simplest advice my dad gave to me while I was out serving my mission in Japan. To him, a successful missionary is humble in a way that he or she is willing to submit to the will of the Lord and able to obediently follow the instructions of his or her leaders. While a missionary does teach most of the time, they still have to be teachable, meaning that can be molded by the Lord, learning new things, sometimes by repetition, and sometimes from mistakes made because one learns best that way.

I'm in a new ward for the Spring Semester and I mean quite literally about the "new" part. It's a newly organized ward, approved by the First Presidency because the ward boundaries were altered due to the influxes between changing student population and number of new missionaries departing since the lowering age requirements. I was called by my new Bishop for this semester to be a Sunday School teacher. Now, I've had experience serving as part of the Sunday School Presidency back home and I've taught quite a few class lessons so I had no trouble in accepting this calling. The only curve ball coming out of left field about this is that I'm team-teaching with a sister from Relief Society as my team-teaching partner every week. And according to my Bishop, my team-teaching partner is new at teaching Sunday School, so buckle up! But seriously, I look forward to this new ward experience and hope to learn a few things from this calling as well as from my team-teaching partner. We are called to these capacities because the Lord willed it and He wants us to learn something from the experiences we gain from serving. Once again, I take that attitude as I am now called to serve as a Sunday School teacher for a brand-new YSA ward here at BYU-Idaho. Gospel's true!

"They were still my brethren in the Lord"

"Now these sons of Mosiah were with Alma at the time the angel first appeared unto him; therefore Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God." (Alma 17:2)

Yesterday afternoon, while staying with my aunt in the Salt Lake-area, I drove down to Provo to visit my sister, who's going to school there, as well as to attend a mission reunion with my first mission president (the Travellers) later that evening. After spending quality time catching up with my sister, she graciously accompanied me to the mission reunion (and photo creds go to her!). I only had about a transfer and half with President and Sister Traveller before the changing of the guard happened so I haven't seen them in four years and I've been home from my mission for two of those years; having a car this year while attending school of course, afforded me the opportunity to go; so needless to say, I'm grateful I got to be there this time.

Me with the Travellers

I got see two of my former companions from the mission field, a few other fellow return-missionaries I got to see and work with numerous times, and even one of my MTC teachers:

Me with some of my "mission homies"

And like the scripture reference I included above, this reunion to me was a joyful occasion because the people I knew there, the people I had the privilege of working with during the course of my mission "were still my brethren (and sisters) in the Lord." As we took the time to catch up with each others' lives, reflect, and enjoy each others' company, I had affirmation in my heart that serving a mission was the right thing to do. Had I not, I would not have met such wonderful people over the course of two years of missionary service. Without a doubt, the people I shared this night with (along with everyone else I worked and interacted with throughout my mission) has touched my life not just for good, but for the better.

All brethren and sisters of the Lord

I'd say we are one happy Nagoya family!

Callings: Déjà vu

Quite literally. I've been back at school for a little over a month for another round of Winter/Spring semesters. And as the title states, I've experienced déjà vu. I'm in a different (and newer) apartment complex from last year so that means a new Ward for a BYU-Idaho student such as myself. This semester's load of classes are typical but it seems a little bit on the heavier side also. Plus, it's still winter time and it's been sort of hard to get out and broaden my horizon a little when I'm usually socked in by mother nature... that is, until I got my calling a couple weeks ago.

And that's the déjà vu part; I've been called to be the male group leader for my Family Home Evening group (AGAIN!). If you recall, I had this same exact calling in my college Ward from last year's spring semester (along with a couple of other callings, and you know how I felt about that!). Once again, I've been given a little more responsibility and I have reason to be here (which I am grateful for!).

I'm also a little bit intrigued because I'm actually looking forward this time around to get to know the people around me in my new Ward. I'm hoping to fulfill my calling to the best of my abilities so once again, I take it on with the mindset that I have been called for a reason and I have something to learn and something to gain from this. I said it before and I'll say it again: We get called to these capacities for a reason by way of revelation. At the same time, in regards to my calling in the Church, the people I'll come into contact and get a chance to work with (especially my FHE family) will no doubt touch my life in a way and vice versa.

It's going to be an interesting semester nonetheless. But that gospel's still true!

To My Late-Grandmother: Years of Experience and Wisdom Passed On

This past weekend has been one of the more harder ones... Not only that, but this is the third time this year I had to go through this, these emotional roller coasters (second time for family).  It was Wednesday morning and we had just finished up the first of three jobs of the day cleaning air ducts of people's homes. My co-worker was collecting payment while I was waiting outside with the work truck when my Dad forwarded me a text message he received from one of my uncles, informing us all that my Grandmother, Thayle Beckstead Wynn died. Reading that message made my work day a whole lot harder; I cried for about five minutes but I focused on getting back to the days work ahead and tend to these family matters after I got off work. My parents and I were able to get work off for Friday which we spent half of driving over to Idaho, just in time for the viewing service; my youngest sister drove up with relatives from Provo to join us as well.

Health problems related to age finally caught up with her but she went peacefully, didn't linger, was in no pain, and was surrounded at home with family members. She is now free from the pains of this world and reunited with her parents, siblings, son, and friends... Having lived until the age of 85, my grandmother had a life well-lived, having been through and being a witness to so many iconic moments in the history of the 20th Century. Earlier this year one my uncles (my grandparents' oldest son) died unexpectedly and that was really hard for my grandparents. I'm pretty sure my uncle was one of the very first people to greet my grandmother on the other side, along with a whole lot of others meaningful in her life back in the day. Heaven received an incredible angel.

She served a total of three missions with my grandfather as her companion; first the Eastern States Mission in the late 40s, then the Ohio Akron Mission during the late 80s, and most recently as Family History Center Missionaries in Mesa Arizona around the turn of the century. She also raised nine children, including my Dad. She was also a strong advocate for having good music in the home, which my Dad mentioned in his tribute to her during the funeral services. As a Piano, Trumpet, Baritone, and Ocarina player, the fact I can play these instruments and read music (along with my two younger sisters) is a part of my Grandmother's legacy. I suppose I should also credit her for the fact that I listen to a lot good genres in music, including the things my Dad grew up listening to and not so much with the crap this current generation listens to!

Though she is gone now, it is only a temporal 'good-bye'. I know there were a lot people waiting for my Grandmother on the other side. Though it was a somber occasion, this was a life with an incredible legacy to celebrate. And my grandmother touched the lives of many in the Ashton, Idaho-area. We Wynn's are slightly unorthodox when it comes to handling death and that's usually the result of having the gospel in our lives. During the viewing someone coming to pay their respect said, "We walked in the door and hear laughter down the hallway and we all thought, 'Yep, this must be a Wynn funeral.'" My Dad and my uncles were the pallbearers for the funeral. As we moved from the Church to the hearse en route to the cemetery, the lid of metal casket bearing my late-grandmother made a popping sound. Family members in hearing distance of that sound all had the same thought, at the exact same instant. We all had to bite our lips, not very successfully, a quiet laugh. In an effort to prevent the inevitable, my dad said in a low voice, "Don't say it!" But then there's my ever-so-awesome uncle Sam, in a not-so very low voice said, "I think she wants out!" And that was it, we all lost it, bursting into laughter! Again, "It must be a Wynn funeral!" But we were fine with that because that's how we were all raised. My grandmother would've laughed with us.

The weather for this occasion was absolutely gorgeous. My grandmother would've loved it... And many, many family members were present. The only downside was that my grandmother would have loved to have been among her many extended family members... I was extremely privileged to be part of the funeral service in accompanying the closing special musical number on the piano with my aunt and sister in a flute duet, playing a Hymn well-loved by my grandparents, 'Sweet Hour of Prayer'. According to my Dad, we put the exclamation point on his tribute to having music in the home. Our only regret with this musical number is that it wasn't a flute trio, with my other sister currently serving in the Singapore Mission, but she is where she needs to be and my grandmother would've wanted it that way. I loved what my dad said to my sister in an E-mail detailing the occasion: "I'm sure she's smiling down on you right now and will be another companion for you for the rest of your mission."

It's times like this when your testimony is truly strengthened and you're more grateful than ever for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the promises made to each and every one you in the Plan of Salvation. As my 'favorite' sister missionary in the Singapore Mission so eloquently put it, "The Atonement of Jesus Christ fixes everything that's unfair about life. I was thinking, grandparents are supposed to die. Dads and brothers aren't. Young missionaries aren't supposed to die on their missions. But that's okay because Christ already took care of everything that will ever hurt us." I echo the words of my sister. This gospel is true. Jesus Christ did suffer for each and every one of us so that the very things that will ever hurt us would have less of an impact. The Atonement works; it has worked for our family and will continue to do so. And of course, it can and will work for you as well. Families can be together forever. I leave these thoughts, these experiences, and my testimony with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen

On the left is my grandfather and on the right is my late-grandmother.

Don't wait up for me Grandma! I'll see you on the other side!!!

"Each Life That Touches Ours for Good"

Midway through this week, I received some sad news regarding one of my mission companions. He was killed in an automobile accident. I couldn't believe it but pretty soon, everyone I served with in the Japan Nagoya Mission was talking about it. I was of course heartbroken because he was too young. Adding to the tragedy, he got married to a lovely woman in the Church last November. In short, hearing that news really put a damper on my day. His name was Masashi Imaizumi and he was my very first Japanese companion in the mission field. We proselyted in the city of Toyohashi located in Aichi Prefecture together for a little over a transfer before I got sent to Suzuka in the Mie Prefecture. In essence, our time was short but we had a lot of great memories and experiences. I couldn't help but look through my mission pictures and find the ones of me and him...

Together we were two goofballs, but we were like brothers...

Music has always brought comfort to me during times like this and once again, I think of the lyrics to the following Hymn:

Each life that touches ours for good

Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord;

Thou sendest blessings from above

Thru words and deeds of those who love.

What greater gift dost thou bestow,

What greater goodness can we know

Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways

Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

When such a friend from us departs,

We hold forever in our hearts

A sweet and hallowed memory,

Bringing us nearer, Lord, to the.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior's name,

Who bless our days with peace and love,

We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

(Hymn #293 'Each Life That Touches Ours for Good')

The two of us in shades. We were so cool!

I never thought that someone I knew, someone I had a chance to work with and get to know better would suddenly be taken away from us in less than two years time... Granted, I remember him as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But he was a mighty fine missionary serving as the Lord's representative in his home country! Though our time together in the mission field was shorter than initially expected, we had great times together. He was quiet and very observant, but he served with all his heart, might, mind, and strength. He knew the Japanese people better than me. He knew the missionary efforts in Toyohashi very well. And he was a great companion to proselyte with. It was an honor and privilege to have been able to work with him, even though our time together in Toyohashi was cut short unexpectedly. We biked through the rain and humidity and we were blessed to have been able to finish our missions together near the beginning of 2012.

The two of us standing in the left at the end of our missions.

Now that he's gone, I value the friendship and camaraderie we shared even more. And even though his sudden passing brought a painful sting to those of us who knew him, the knowledge we have through the gospel of Jesus Christ brings assurance and comfort to us to know that it's all for the best... Yes, I'm sad that he died at a young age. And I'm sad for his widowed wife; I can't imagine what she is going through in the wake of this tragedy. God allows things to happen for a reason and we can't always comprehend the will of God. But no matter what, we're better off putting our trust in Him. I have a testimony of that. It isn't easy but it's the best way to deal with it. And I know we'll run into each other again. We know about the Plan of Salvation and we are a part of it. And I know for a fact my former mission companion, my brother, Masashi Imaizumi is one who touched my life good as well as the lives of many others. He and I were like brothers and I looked up to him often. My deepest thoughts and testimony of these things I leave with you, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Callings

I'm coming up on week three of my second semester of school. Church-wise, I've been given more responsibility. I've already been serving as one of the ward pianists since last semester. For this semester, after getting our groups organized, I was extended a calling to serve as a co-group leader (a sort of "FHE dad", in addition to an "FHE mom" as some would refer to it) for our Family Home Evening Group, composed of myself, five other guys and six ladies from our Young Single Adults Ward. If you've been a longtime reader of my blog(s), you might recall when it was the last time I actually served in some kind of leadership capacity. You might also recall on how I feel about certain callings when taken into certain perspectives. If you've followed my blog up to this point, you'll know that not all the feelings I had about these topics were positive experiences.

Needless to say, I'm on pins and needles right now. I've got butterflies in my stomach. Last semester, there were times I had to take the lead on FHE group lessons/messages. Despite my attempts to be professional and maintain composure, I felt those times were next to borderline-disastrous (not complete disaster, mind you). Thankfully, the Lord doesn't expect anyone including myself to be perfect at anything.

On a similar topic, my family and I experienced good news as my younger sister received her mission call; I am a strong supporter for having more sister missionaries now that the age of eligibility for missionaries have been lowered. My sister has been called to the Singapore Mission, Malay-speaking. Where she is going was somewhat a surprise for all of us because no one in our family that I'm aware of has served a mission anywhere around that part of the world yet. Her call to serve has put me into a state of reflection as I looked back at my time in the mission field in the Japan Nagoya Mission. If I were to summarize my mission experience in less than ten words, I would say "A lot of things turned out unexpectedly." Unexpected things such as:

• The 2011 Touhoku earthquake and tsunami disaster affecting the country
• Having to cope with an influx of missionaries from the neighboring Tokyo Mission when it had to be shut down along with other consequences that were the results of the disaster
• Being sent to areas where the focus was Spanish or Brazilian Portuguese instead of my assigned language of Japanese
• Not becoming involved in some leadership capacity when all my mission I strived in the hopes to be one

To be honest, I had many ups and downs on my mission. There were numerous times when those experiences were by far the most frustrating moments. With regards to leadership (or resentment), well, I don't think I have to mention or repeat anything I clearly stated previously. I clearly remember my dad's E-mail that he wrote me during the height of those frustrations: 

"In missions and in life we are given assignments. You have been given assignments, and you have done them to the best of your ability. We don't always understand the reasoning behind those assignments... So take your assignments and continue to do them the best way know how. The other stuff will take care of itself. We all have jobs, they are all important. Sometimes they aren't "prestigious" or "high-profile", but they are all important, and not everyone can do them. So take pride in the fact that you can do them, and do them well and with success. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You should be proud of your accomplishments and proud of yourself as an individual. I am. Take a new perspective. Don't worry about your peer group, you only have to measure yourself by what YOU know you are capable of, by YOUR yardstick (and maybe a little bit of MY yardstick). I measure you, and I see the good stuff you do. I couldn't be prouder of you, or prouder to be called your dad."

These words from my number one father figure really helped me to carry on especially this past year, as the going got tough. As I think about my dear sister my pride as her older brother is shining. I can see her facing new a host of challenges and feeling frustration and disappointments from time to time. But I know she can tackle them and overcome every time. Whether it's a mission, a calling, or in life, we do these things to grow. Oftentimes, we serve in our church callings and leadership capacities because we need to grow and learn something. And that's what mortal existence here basically winds down to: growing and learning. 

Going back to my recent calling I received to serve as a group leader for our Family Home Evening group, I expect to grow from serving in this calling; I expect to learn a thing or two. Since having a hiatus in leading in ANYTHING this last year, I hope to fulfill my responsibilities to the best of my abilities. If you read one of my earlier posts, I repeat what President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:

"Certainly you are not overlooked or unwanted by your Heavenly Father. He loves you. And I tell you with certainty that you are needed by your Church... But when God works through us, no one and nothing can stand against us. This is why you are needed. You have your own special contribution to make, and God can magnify that contribution in a mighty way."

I can't say I'm confident in any of my abilities but that's not going to stop me from striving to make my contributions and learn and grow. I have a testimony of the importance in our church callings, assignments and obligation. Fulfilling them usually leads to new discoveries in one's own abilities and is a major opportunity for personal growth. Oftentimes, there are those set aside to fulfill certain tasks and only they can accomplish them because the Lord sees it fit to be so. Let the Lord's will be done.

The Priesthood: Benefits of Father Figures

I'm now back in Rexburg and classes start tomorrow. Before driving back, I asked my uncle Sam to give me a father's blessing. It is highly encouraged for us to get blessings from our fathers prior to specific moments of our lives; for example, it's appropriate to get one before leaving for a mission or embarking on military service and even before a term of school. I'm pretty sure there are other specific situations that I can't think of off the top of my head where receiving a father's blessing would be appropriate.

Even though my uncle Sam is not my dad, he is a worthy Priesthood holder and I see him as a father figure like how my dad is; I feel that way with all of my uncles in addition to my own father. I feel very blessed to have this quality within my family because not all extended families are close to each other like mine. In the absence of my dad, my uncle stepped up and administered to my needs and help me find comfort and confidence as I prepared once again to face fears of the unknown and battle to control my emotions at the start of another semester of school at BYU-Idaho.

You probably noticed the term "father figure" in the title is plural. Well it's because I believe in multiple father figures. At the same time, I realized how much I've taken for granted the benefits of the relationships I share with my extended family. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's a real benefit in having family close to where I'm going to school.

I love my family (immediate and extended). It takes priority in my life over everything else and nothing is going to take that value away from me. I have a testimony in the importance of families. In tough times when good friends aren't around, members of family will be the best friend.

Familes Can Be Together Forever

Last Thursday evening, I received a text message from my dad informing me that my uncle Paul passed away. He was 63 years old; too young in my opinion by today's standards... I was able to visit him in the hospital the weekend prior to his passing and I am so grateful to have been able to see him one last time. His passing came as somewhat of a surprise to us all. I can't help but reflect and think about him now that he's gone. The news brought me to tears as I tried to accept the fact he really was gone... Thankfully, having family here in the region, not to mention the ones here at school (and my awesome roommates), brought some form of comfort. The viewing and funeral services were carried out this past Monday and Tuesday respectively. Both were just beautiful. There was a slide show compilation depicting the life of my uncle. Again, it brought tears to our eyes.

We as a family were gathered together; I saw cousins who I haven't seen in a couple of years. My aunts and uncles, second cousins, my dad, as well as my grandparents were also in attendance. We cried together. We celebrated his life together. We were there for each other. It was a much needed thing to have so many family members present, as we rendered to each other mutual support during these tough times. It was heart-warming to have all that.

The day of the funeral, the weather was absolutely gorgeous; we couldn't have asked for better weather. The things said about my uncle were just beautiful and spot-on. It was hard to accept the facts of reality. It was hard to say good-bye. It was hard to observe others as they wept. Sadness has been in the air but it would eventually be overcome with hope and a better resolve. It was a time to appreciate the blessings each and every one of us had. The memories we have gained are now a treasure...

Being in this gathering also caused many of us to realize how much we really should appreciate the things we take for granted. Life and death is a natural part of our existence. But still, I found it hard to believe that my uncle was gone. Now, we as a family are all touched by the memories we shared with him. There is a hymn I love and I thought about it as I reflected on how my uncle touched our lives:

Each life that touches ours for good

Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord; 

Thou sendest blessings from above

Thru words and deeds of those who love.

What greater gift thou dost thou bestow,

What greater goodness can we know 

Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways

Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

When such a friend from us departs,

We hold forever in our hearts

A sweet and hallowed memory,

Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior's name, 

Who bless our days with peace and love,

We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

(Hymn #293 'Each Life That Touches Ours for Good')

I am sad that he is gone now but I know I will see him again someday. Our savior Jesus Christ through His Atonement made it possible for us to return to Him and to reunite with our families. There's another hymn I just love to sing and play on the piano and the promise made in the first verse is comfort enough. I think the lyrics to this hymn is self-explanatory:

I have a family here on earth.

They are so good to me.

I want to share my life with them through all eternity.

Families can be together forever

Through Heavenly Father's plan.

I always want to be with my own family,

And the Lord has shown me how I can.

The Lord has shown me how I can.

(Hymn #300 'Families Can Be Together Forever')

For those of you who are close to your family and relatives, be sure to spend quality time with them. Tell them you love them, no matter how cheesy it may sound. Be grateful for their influence they had on your life. And never, ever forget about the things that they have done for you. Because, one day all of this will become nothing but a cherished memory when they are gone. Don't give yourself any regrets regarding your family.

I want all of you who read this to know that I know God loves each and every one of us and He knows what we are going through. He has set in motion for us a plan of salvation, in which we can return to Him and be with our families again when our mortal journey is complete. He has sent His beloved son Jesus Christ to blaze the trail for us. Without a doubt, I have a testimony that families can be together forever. This knowledge has lessened the sting of death just enough for us to press forward, with faith and hope shining brightly in hearts and minds. The gospel is still true! My testimony of these words and thoughts to you, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

"As Zion's Youth In Latter Days"

It was the second day of classes (Tuesday) for my first semester at Brigham Young University Idaho. Lingering in the back of my mind were thoughts cultivated from fear wondering, "Can I do this?" or "What have I gotten myself into?!" I don't mind admitting I was feeling a little scared and intimidated, not to mention the on-and-off feelings of homesickness... Of course, my mind was buzzing and preoccupied  in struggling to keep my schedule neat and prioritized. Between study time, class, and personal things my schedule seemed like it was on the verge of falling apart... Then it was time for the weekly devotional, which happens to fall on Tuesday on a weekly basis...

At first I was skeptical about going because I had a class I needed to go to AND find since it was the first day for my second batch of classes. In the end, I went. Obviously, the setting was a rather large auditorium with superb acoustics. I sat where I could make a swift exit and a straight shot for class right afterwards. I tried to listen to what was being said but I could barely remember. But what I do remember was the special musical number as well as the closing hymn. Music has always spoken to me in ways I could never fully explain. At closing, we as a congregation sang from the hymn book #256, 'As Zion's Youth in Latter Days'; I have long forgotten how much I love this hymn since it wasn't in the Japanese hymn books I've been used to using for two years on my mission...

As I sang, the words just hit me bringing tears to my eyes:

As Zions' youth in latter days,

We stand with valiant heart,

With promise shining in our eyes, 

Resolved to do our part.

Upon a noble past we build; 

The future fills our view.

We face the challenge of our day

And pledge we will be true.

The truths and values we embrace

Are mocked on ev'ry hand.

Yet as we listen and obey

We know we can withstand

The evils that would weaken us,

The sin that would destroy.

With faith, we hold the iron rod

And find in this our joy.

Thru test and trial we'll have our fears,

But we will not despair.

We're here to serve a righteous cause;

Truth gives us strength to dare.

We'll love, and learn, and overcome;

We'll sing a joyful song,

As Zion's youth in latter days,

Triumphant, pure, and strong.

I realized I can get through this. Though not all of it, some of my confidence was restored on my current circumstances. Fact is, what I pursue will be for the right reasons and the journey will not be easy in some places. But I know that Heavenly Father allows these hardships for a reason and we need to learn from them. I also know Heavenly Father is mindful of me and my hardships and the same goes to you. His love is infinite. His patience is infinite. He sent us to this era in time so we can fulfill certain roles reserved only for us. 

Conversion

I've been thinking about it but I finally decided to go ahead and share with anyone who might read what I guess you can call the story of my conversion when I fully embraced the gospel.

I still hold some feelings of resentment regarding some of this, but these things I experienced played a vital role on my road to full conversion. I've been a member of the church all my life despite being born into a part-member family. In high school, my biggest forte (no pun intended!) was the music program; in particular, band class. Half way through freshman year, I became the section leader of the trumpets section. When the school year was nearing completion, I auditioned for the for the higher level band as well the marching band. I was successful and got admitted as a member of the two groups as well as becoming a representative in various leadership positions for the next three years to come.

Things were looking up, until my parents dropped a bombshell; we were moving across the country from the Washington D.C. area to Oregon. All the things I achieved, the efforts I made, short-lived and a waste. Much to my absolute disappointment, it was too late for me to join the marching band program at my new high school. If that wasn't disappointing enough, the credentials I gained from my freshman year did not apply at my new high school either. It seemed like in an instant, I went from "rising leader" to "last-chair underdog". The thought of it brought dark feelings of resentment.

There was only one thing I could do and that was try and work my way back up. But that was "easier said than done." The motivation and confidence I established as a freshman in high school was gone. At the time, it was a new low-point for me. I felt that my new high school band program was out of my league and without a doubt I felt out of place. I tried to have fun especially when basketball season started by participating in the Pep Band but I still felt empty inside. In a nutshell, I resented (not blamed) my band teacher who "demoted" me in the first place. I resented fellow students in the band program, especially when they held a leadership position. I resented not being a section leader like I was as a freshman.

I was also in school with two of my cousins at the time and our family is particularly close. But honestly, I resented some of their actions as well. I felt they really didn't do much to help me feel welcome at my new school. To me, they were the "Mr. Popular" among their friends and I felt stuck in their shadows.

If there was ANYTHING keeping me afloat during these times, it must have been the church. I've always believed The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints was true. But even so, I questioned why God would allow all this to happen to me. During these three years of high school, I had a very influential Seminary instructor and later on, a very influential (and excellent in my opinion) Sunday School Teacher who helped me to keep pushing along. The church was the only thing I really held onto but it still felt like it wasn't enough.

Somehow, I managed to make it through sophomore year, the first year at my new high school. I got good grades (which wasn't a huge issue). But I still wasn't satisfied, especially with where I was in the band program. I seriously considered quitting the program to save myself the embarrassment I started feeling but I gave the program another chance by starting with marching band, which I was finally allowed to join. Even so, I still resented being the "underdog" of the group. Junior year wasn't better because I got braces on my teeth half way through the school year. And anyone who plays a wind instrument knows that really hurts playing technique as was the case for me. My ability to play the trumpet went down the drain and it became painful physically as was already mentally to play.

At the end of the year, I just couldn't take it anymore. Once again, the thought of quitting the program crossed my mind. But I first decided to talk with my band director and discuss a possible alternative. He immediately suggested I switch instruments from the Trumpet to the Baritone (a brass instrument with the same fingering technique as the trumpet but on the bass scale). The thought of switching intrigued me; the new instrument turned out to be very accommodating and I almost felt no pain even with braces since the mouthpiece on the Baritone was a lot larger than on the Trumpet. Again, I participated in the marching band for my senior year and for the first time, I actually found enjoyment in this band program. Maybe it was the newly found love of my new instrument, but I certainly didn't feel like an underdog anymore.

But feelings of resentment still smoldered. I reflected often asking whether or not this was worth it. My younger sister auditioned for and got accepted into the highest concert ensemble that school year. But ever since I moved to Oregon, I've always been in the "middle band". And I still wasn't a leader at anything so for a while, I felt slightly out of place and a little dissatisfied.

It was during this school year when two particular life-changers took place. The first was a day after Thanksgiving. I went flying with my uncle on his Cessna 172. Four minutes into our flight, the single-engine started losing power forcing us to turn around and declare an emergency. We landed safely and nothing too dramatic happened. But being in that situation was quite an adrenaline rush for me. Then exactly three months after that experience, something a little more dramatic happened; an auto accident. I was slowing down for a red light when the next thing I knew was getting read-ended, air bags set off and being injured. But thankfully, these injuries were non-life threatening. What surprised me even more was I got rear-ended by someone I knew, someone (to this day) I consider a friend. I went to the hospital to check on my injuries and then went home after that. This was a first-hand experience on forgiveness and I easily found it in my heart to forgive. I suppose these two experiences helped me realize that there is more to life than meets the eye and life can be fragile.

(Thinking about it now, man-kind would be a miserable thing if life only went up until high school! Good things that's not the case!)

Finding a better appreciation for my life and the things I have, I made the most of it from then on, especially during the remaining months of my senior year and going back to the band program. I excelled at the position I was at and I moved on for the most part in regards to the past. I graduated from high school with full honors in the music program receiving the Director's Award which few students receive on a yearly basis. I was also recognized within the band program, especially for the changes I had to make in a three year time frame. And as for my band director, I came to appreciate him for not giving up on me and caring for my best interests. In the end, I've come to respect him and any resentment I had towards him was all gone.

Again, I always knew the church was true even when during times when I questioned a few things. I served a mission in Japan and I experienced similar feelings like the ones I did in high school. In addition to the great experiences I had, I resented some things. In particular, the way my mission turned out was unexpected. For the longest time, I totally expected to become a senior companion half-way through and possibly hold a leadership position sometime after that. But I ended up waiting well over a year after I started my mission before becoming a senior companion. Prior to my mission, the last time I had any leadership responsibilities was when I conducted my Eagle Project in the Boy Scouts of America. I could have trained a new missionary, I could have lead a group of missionaries but I didn't get any of those opportunities and I resented that. Again, I felt out place and it all made me question why God would let this be the case.

All of these experiences would be meaningless if I haven't learned anything from it. Regarding my mission, I learned people who are serving in leadership positions are asked to serve in such capacity mainly because they have something they need to learn from it. I assume there would've been nothing for me to learn had I served in such a leadership position.

My dad said this to me in an E-mail towards the end of mission: "You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You should be proud of your accomplishments and proud of yourself as an individual." Those words of encouragement keeps me going, no matter how tough things become. And for the most part, it's all in the past and I am at peace with it.

As my mission president would always say when opening a meeting, "The gospel is true."