Conversion

I've been thinking about it but I finally decided to go ahead and share with anyone who might read what I guess you can call the story of my conversion when I fully embraced the gospel.

I still hold some feelings of resentment regarding some of this, but these things I experienced played a vital role on my road to full conversion. I've been a member of the church all my life despite being born into a part-member family. In high school, my biggest forte (no pun intended!) was the music program; in particular, band class. Half way through freshman year, I became the section leader of the trumpets section. When the school year was nearing completion, I auditioned for the for the higher level band as well the marching band. I was successful and got admitted as a member of the two groups as well as becoming a representative in various leadership positions for the next three years to come.

Things were looking up, until my parents dropped a bombshell; we were moving across the country from the Washington D.C. area to Oregon. All the things I achieved, the efforts I made, short-lived and a waste. Much to my absolute disappointment, it was too late for me to join the marching band program at my new high school. If that wasn't disappointing enough, the credentials I gained from my freshman year did not apply at my new high school either. It seemed like in an instant, I went from "rising leader" to "last-chair underdog". The thought of it brought dark feelings of resentment.

There was only one thing I could do and that was try and work my way back up. But that was "easier said than done." The motivation and confidence I established as a freshman in high school was gone. At the time, it was a new low-point for me. I felt that my new high school band program was out of my league and without a doubt I felt out of place. I tried to have fun especially when basketball season started by participating in the Pep Band but I still felt empty inside. In a nutshell, I resented (not blamed) my band teacher who "demoted" me in the first place. I resented fellow students in the band program, especially when they held a leadership position. I resented not being a section leader like I was as a freshman.

I was also in school with two of my cousins at the time and our family is particularly close. But honestly, I resented some of their actions as well. I felt they really didn't do much to help me feel welcome at my new school. To me, they were the "Mr. Popular" among their friends and I felt stuck in their shadows.

If there was ANYTHING keeping me afloat during these times, it must have been the church. I've always believed The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-day Saints was true. But even so, I questioned why God would allow all this to happen to me. During these three years of high school, I had a very influential Seminary instructor and later on, a very influential (and excellent in my opinion) Sunday School Teacher who helped me to keep pushing along. The church was the only thing I really held onto but it still felt like it wasn't enough.

Somehow, I managed to make it through sophomore year, the first year at my new high school. I got good grades (which wasn't a huge issue). But I still wasn't satisfied, especially with where I was in the band program. I seriously considered quitting the program to save myself the embarrassment I started feeling but I gave the program another chance by starting with marching band, which I was finally allowed to join. Even so, I still resented being the "underdog" of the group. Junior year wasn't better because I got braces on my teeth half way through the school year. And anyone who plays a wind instrument knows that really hurts playing technique as was the case for me. My ability to play the trumpet went down the drain and it became painful physically as was already mentally to play.

At the end of the year, I just couldn't take it anymore. Once again, the thought of quitting the program crossed my mind. But I first decided to talk with my band director and discuss a possible alternative. He immediately suggested I switch instruments from the Trumpet to the Baritone (a brass instrument with the same fingering technique as the trumpet but on the bass scale). The thought of switching intrigued me; the new instrument turned out to be very accommodating and I almost felt no pain even with braces since the mouthpiece on the Baritone was a lot larger than on the Trumpet. Again, I participated in the marching band for my senior year and for the first time, I actually found enjoyment in this band program. Maybe it was the newly found love of my new instrument, but I certainly didn't feel like an underdog anymore.

But feelings of resentment still smoldered. I reflected often asking whether or not this was worth it. My younger sister auditioned for and got accepted into the highest concert ensemble that school year. But ever since I moved to Oregon, I've always been in the "middle band". And I still wasn't a leader at anything so for a while, I felt slightly out of place and a little dissatisfied.

It was during this school year when two particular life-changers took place. The first was a day after Thanksgiving. I went flying with my uncle on his Cessna 172. Four minutes into our flight, the single-engine started losing power forcing us to turn around and declare an emergency. We landed safely and nothing too dramatic happened. But being in that situation was quite an adrenaline rush for me. Then exactly three months after that experience, something a little more dramatic happened; an auto accident. I was slowing down for a red light when the next thing I knew was getting read-ended, air bags set off and being injured. But thankfully, these injuries were non-life threatening. What surprised me even more was I got rear-ended by someone I knew, someone (to this day) I consider a friend. I went to the hospital to check on my injuries and then went home after that. This was a first-hand experience on forgiveness and I easily found it in my heart to forgive. I suppose these two experiences helped me realize that there is more to life than meets the eye and life can be fragile.

(Thinking about it now, man-kind would be a miserable thing if life only went up until high school! Good things that's not the case!)

Finding a better appreciation for my life and the things I have, I made the most of it from then on, especially during the remaining months of my senior year and going back to the band program. I excelled at the position I was at and I moved on for the most part in regards to the past. I graduated from high school with full honors in the music program receiving the Director's Award which few students receive on a yearly basis. I was also recognized within the band program, especially for the changes I had to make in a three year time frame. And as for my band director, I came to appreciate him for not giving up on me and caring for my best interests. In the end, I've come to respect him and any resentment I had towards him was all gone.

Again, I always knew the church was true even when during times when I questioned a few things. I served a mission in Japan and I experienced similar feelings like the ones I did in high school. In addition to the great experiences I had, I resented some things. In particular, the way my mission turned out was unexpected. For the longest time, I totally expected to become a senior companion half-way through and possibly hold a leadership position sometime after that. But I ended up waiting well over a year after I started my mission before becoming a senior companion. Prior to my mission, the last time I had any leadership responsibilities was when I conducted my Eagle Project in the Boy Scouts of America. I could have trained a new missionary, I could have lead a group of missionaries but I didn't get any of those opportunities and I resented that. Again, I felt out place and it all made me question why God would let this be the case.

All of these experiences would be meaningless if I haven't learned anything from it. Regarding my mission, I learned people who are serving in leadership positions are asked to serve in such capacity mainly because they have something they need to learn from it. I assume there would've been nothing for me to learn had I served in such a leadership position.

My dad said this to me in an E-mail towards the end of mission: "You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You should be proud of your accomplishments and proud of yourself as an individual." Those words of encouragement keeps me going, no matter how tough things become. And for the most part, it's all in the past and I am at peace with it.

As my mission president would always say when opening a meeting, "The gospel is true."